I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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