My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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