It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
