I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
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Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
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struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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