I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
