Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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