I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
People in love make me want to vomit
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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