i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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