Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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