through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
