dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
