Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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