i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
