Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
