got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
