ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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