I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize
