I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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