i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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