4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
