I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
