If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
