lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
