How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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