the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
