why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
