I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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