my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize