I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
