We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
