I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
