WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
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