I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
