Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
