sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
