Heybabeimwearingurpanties
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
