I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
