Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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