i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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