Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
