yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
