dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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