i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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