You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
