I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Green mimosas i think yes
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
