Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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