Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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