It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
