I molested 6 butterflies tonight
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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