all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
