is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
