You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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