Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
