please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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