I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
