I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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