I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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