I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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