i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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