I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize