im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
This is my gift to your gina
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
