tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Dick very happy bro
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
