Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
