I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
