Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
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From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
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It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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