I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
