it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
