Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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