i permit you to call me
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
